


I Want, I Want

by gayshitiguess



Series: From the Bell Jar [6]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fjord’s daddy issues, Fjord’s shitty wisdom score at work, Hurt/Comfort, It’s Fjord time BABBBYYY, I’ll add more tags as I go, M/M, Nightmares, Pirates, So much angst, i love him so much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2020-07-29 11:43:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20081641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayshitiguess/pseuds/gayshitiguess
Summary: He could feel the voice coming before it was there. Like a shiver was just about to run up his spine. With it, the water changed, grew colder, heavier. It weighed in his lungs as he sank steadily into the darkness. He felt that presence behind him again, the feeling of something terrible and powerful pressing its lips to his neck.“WATCHING.” The voice growled in his head. It was never in the water, never around him, always directly in his mind. Like it was in him. A part of him.___Fjord’s nightmares have been getting more and more frequent. When the group travels to Nicodranas for a vacation and to help out the Ruby of the Sea, they only get worse.





	1. Encroaching Waters

**Author's Note:**

> YAALLLLLLLLL YA BOY IS BACK!!!!!! Oh my god, this took me what like 6 fucking months to get here! But I’ve had a nice, long break, and I’m back!! I’ll be having weekly updates on FRIDAYS and I hope you guys enjoy this!!! Don’t forget to leave a comment or go to my tumblr, gayshitiguess, and say hi!

_ Fjord was floating. He could feel it in his head, even with his eyes closed, the equilibrium in his ears thrown off by the stuff he was adrift in. His body was still, his clothes slowly shifting around him. It was a peaceful feeling, that drifting lightheadedness. He opened his eyes.  _

_ Water could be so dark. He knew that, he’d stared down at the deepest pits of it. The problem was, of course, that the darkness was surrounding him, not under him. He knew the safe levels of pressure in the ocean. This was not safe. And suddenly, as suddenly as he’d thought the pressure into existence, he could feel it, the crushing in his head, the feeling of elephants sitting on his chest. His eyes stung with salt water, his lungs screamed for air. He thrashed, he sucked in water in place of air, and he felt the pain of something solid entering a system used to gas. Fear plunged into his chest suddenly, the understanding that he was going to die. What’s worse, he was going to die by drowning, which had never been his top pick.  _

_ He could feel the voice coming before it was there. Like a shiver was just about to run up his spine. With it, the water changed, grew colder, heavier. It weighed in his lungs as he sank steadily into the darkness. He felt that presence behind him again, the feeling of something terrible and powerful pressing its lips to his neck. _

_ “ _ ** _WATCHING_ ** _ .” The voice growled in his head. It was never in the water, never around him, always directly in his mind. Like it was in him. A part of him. “ _ ** _POTENTIAL_ ** _ .”  _

_ Fjord tried to speak but watched as bubbles left his mouth and scattered around him. He tried to watch them, to see which way they rose to find the surface, but they floated without direction. He gritted his teeth and willed his limbs to move, but they remained.  _

_ “ _ ** _GROW. PROVOKE._ ** _ ” The voice was bouncing around in his skull. He screwed his eyes shut to it and tried to push it to the corners of his mind. It didn’t allow him that. “ _ ** _CONSUME. REWARD._ ** _ ” Fjord felt nausea tearing at him. He was sinking or rising or something in the water and he couldn’t escape, couldn’t escape, he was drowning, drowning, again, and he screamed. He screamed and screamed.  _

_ “ _ ** _PATIENCE._ ** _ ” The voice was against his skin and behind his eyes. It gripped at his throat and held his limbs still. He sank and sank and drowned and drowned and drowned and drowned…  _

Fjord came jerking awake, flailing in his bed and coughing. He shot his torso over the side of the bed to heave, and didn’t realize until he managed to open his eyes that what he brought up wasn’t bile, but water. Too much water. He wasn’t sure if it was in his stomach or in his lungs, but salt was heavy on his tongue. He breath came ragged and sharp. 

He was home. Secure in his bed in Modern Literature, there wasn’t ocean for miles. He was safe. 

Well, safe was a relative term. 

He realized then that his sword wasn’t hidden in his skin. It was in his hand, the hilt of it clutched tightly between his bloody fingers. He hated that sword. Gleaming metal coated in blood, a hilt made out of him, his bones and blood and tendons surrounding it. It would split his skin to escape, it would dig at the inside of his wrist when it thought it should be wielded. Barnacles and sea moss grew over the spot on his wrist from which it extended that fell away when the sword was replaced, but that didn’t make it any less uncomfortable or fucking creepy. 

He willed the thing away, watched it crawl back into his skin and his tattoo ease back up to his shoulder. He wiped the blood away from his skin, and ignored the salt water steadily drying on his sheets and floor. 

There was no way he was going back to sleep. 

A light was on in the kitchen, but, of course, there always was one when he’d had a nightmare. He trudged in, groggy and with that raw, terrified feeling still sitting in his stomach. Caduceus sat at the kitchen table, one cup of steaming tea in his hands, another on the table next to him. 

“Ginger,” he said as Fjord sat, “helps with an upset stomach.” Fjord nodded and slowly took sips as it cooled. He focused on the tea, the taste of it, the heat, and on Caduceus next to him. He honestly had no idea how Clay managed to know every single time that Fjord had had a nightmare. It was like a sixth sense about him, like he could feel the unrest on the air. Part of it freaked Fjord out.  _ Most  _ of it freaked him out. But another bit just made things easier. He didn’t have to explain anything to Clay. Which was a relief. 

“That’s the third one this month.” Caduceus said. “They’re getting more frequent.” Fjord sighed and nodded. 

“Yeah,” he said. He closed his eyes and tried to remain calm, to keep his voice steady. Caduceus probably knew about his accent at this point, perceptive shit that he was, but Fjord still fought to keep his cover. It was a comfort thing, he supposed, having that covering his back, even around people he didn’t need to hide from. 

Of course he wasn’t entirely convinced of that. 

Caduceus stayed quiet and waited for him to talk. Fjord took his time deciding what to say. 

“I’m…” he started, hesitating, “I’m not sure how long I have before this gets dangerous.” Caduceus nodded and sipped his tea. 

“What do you mean?” He asked. Fjord sighed and tried to explain. 

“Just that He was a lot more fond of me when I was working towards what He wanted,” Fjord said. He’d told Caduceus and Caleb about Him, this patron of his. They knew the broad strokes, the major ideas, and that, for a while, he had done as He had instructed and reaped the rewards. Now that he was landlocked and fighting ghosts, though, it wasn’t so good. “But now that I’m not I’m… scared. Of what He’ll do.” Caduceus nodded. 

“That’s part of it, I guess,” Caduceus rumbled, “and it’s okay to be scared. What’s the worst case scenario to you?” Fjord wracked his brain. 

“I guess He would kill me.” Caduceus smiled. 

“I won’t let that happen.” He assured, reaching across the table and patting Fjord’s hand. “Besides death?” He asked. Fjord smiled at Caduceus’ reassurances. 

“He could take this away from me.” He said, flexing his hand and imitating power. Caduceus nodded. 

“Yeah that would be jarring.” He said. “But you’ve got skills outside of Him and, I think with some time, you could overcome that.” Fjord doubted him, just a bit, but smiled anyway. 

“Thanks, Duecy.” He said, indicating his tea, but meaning everything. 

“Yeah,” Caduceus said, “there’s no use going back to bed, you’d need to be up in an hour anyway.” Fjord nodded and ran over his packing list again. 

Jester was going home, and she refused to leave without them. She would usually go by herself, but her mom had reported a few of her clients who were being less than desirable, and Jester got it in her head that she would take her badass ghost hunting friends with her to beat them up. Combined with Molly’s insistence that they all take a vacation, it was easy enough to get everyone’s metaphorical bags packed. Fjord wasn’t fond of the shop moving around willy-nilly and he wasn’t crazy about the idea of going to a port town so close to… well, it didn’t much matter. Jester wanted him there so fuck, he would be there. Simple as that. 

He nodded, thanked Caduceus for the tea, and promised to be back in an hour for breakfast. 

His room wasn’t as extravagant as the others’. Even Nott’s was more personalized than his. It was painted a pale green, a soothing, calm color, and decorated in blues. There were no ocean motifs, no sailing memorabilia. That was all locked away in the trunk under his bed that had once been shoved under his bunk on Vandran’s ship. A few measly souvenirs, nothing that could be considered buried treasure. His heavy, cold weather clothes, his boating license, and the worn, leather coat that Vandran wore. 

He had considered, for a while, getting rid of all of it when he had met Caleb. Caleb, Nott, and Caduceus had given him a new life. He had thought long and hard about erasing every scrap of evidence of his old life from the face of the earth. 

But the thing about becoming someone new was that new person would always be informed by the old. This brand new man, tall and suave and southern, who knew more about demons than any boat, that man would always be dictated by the little boy who had longed to join the fishing crews from the orphanage window. 

Caleb had found him in Canada. He didn’t know how to tell the others that his home was closer to Nicodranas than anywhere they’d set foot before. 

Port Demali was a grand port town without the treasures and wealth of towns like Nicodranas. Located roughly two hundred and fifty miles south of Jester’s home town on the coast of Portugal, he probably knew Nicodranas better than she did. He was absolutely terrified that somebody would recognize him. 

He took a heavy roll of duct tape and went room by room on the shop, planting a strip across each shelf to keep the books where they were. He had to remind himself that Caleb wasn’t any more worried about wasting magic as Caduceus was now, but force of habit. He did everything to conserve for them.

He loved his own magic. He loved it so fucking much that he had sold himself to keep it. It was dark and slimy and frightening and he loved the way that it writhed in his chest. That was the thing about all of this; he hated it. He hated the fucking monster having so much of him. But he loved the power. 

And maybe he hated himself for needing power. All the books he’d ever read talked about brave heroes who gave up their power after the great evil had been destroyed. He didn’t think he was brave enough to do that. He thought that, when it all came down to it, he might end up being the great evil. 

Or worse; he might be a henchman. 

He shook himself out of his stupor and checked his watch. It was actually Vandran’s watch, a beaten to shit old thing that barely ticked, held together by his efforts alone. He was given it during his first year on the ship. 

“ _ What, you don’t have a timepiece?”  _ Vandran said one day while Fjord was pulling in the nets. He caught Fjord’s wrist in his rough hand. 

“ _ Can’t afford one, Captain,”  _ Fjord said. He had always said ‘Captain,’ at least for the first few years, no matter how many times Vandran had told him to stop. 

Vandran had looked at him, smiled, and unlatched his own watch from his wrist. 

“ _ No, no, I can’t take that,”  _ Fjord had protested as Vandran slid the watch on his wrist. 

“ _ Yes you can. I’ve got three others in my office.”  _ Fjord didn’t see him wear another watch until they made port. 

It had been half an hour. He figured that Caduceus could use help with breakfast. 

Molly was sitting on the counter, being entirely unhelpful as Fjord reinterred the kitchen waving around a wooden spoon. 

“-he ever show something like that with you?” Molly was asking as Caduceus flipped a pancake. Caduceus was quiet for several seconds as he thought. Fjord thought it was a good time to walk in. 

“Morin’,” Fjord said as Molly leaned over to press a kiss to his forehead. Physical affection. Another thing that he wasn’t quite used to. 

“Hey, cowboy,” Molly grinned. “Hey, has Caleb ever displayed self-destructive behaviors around you?” Fjord shot Molly a strange look. 

“Sure,” he said. “I mean, we’ve all been self destructive. Why?” Molly brushed him off. 

“I think it’s worth exploring with Caleb,” Caduceus said. 

“I wish it were that easy.” Molly sighed and twirled a purple curl in his fingers. Fjord poured himself a cup of coffee. 

“It never is.” Fjord sighed. Beau filed into the kitchen, Caleb close behind. All of Molly’s worry was gone as soon as Caleb entered the room. He jumped down from the counter, his kimono slipping open as he went and pressed a kiss to Caleb’s cheek. “Are you already in a bikini?” Fjord asked. 

“I love the beach and we  _ never go!”  _ Molly bemoaned. Fjord rolled his eyes and watched Caleb closely, the way his hands fluttered around Molly’s waste, never finding a home on his hips. Interesting. 

Caduceus put a plate in front of him and patted his shoulder softly. 

“Thanks, Caddy,” Fjord smiled. “When are we heading out?” He asked Caleb.

“Nicodranas is eight hours ahead of us,” he checked his own watched and nodded. “It should be nearing afternoon. We can leave when everyone is ready.” 

“And you’ll be okay, this time?” Caduceus asked as he set out mugs and plates. Caleb nodded.

“I was when I moved the shop from Oregon. Tired, but nothing like before.” Molly smiled and placed himself in Caleb’s arms. The permission seemed to break whatever was holding Caleb back. 

“We’re not going into the water, are we?” Nott was next to him in a moment, chewing on a piece of vegan bacon unhappily. “And can we buy some meat?” 

“You can buy it if you can cook it,” Caduceus smiled, and that made Nott deflate. 

“We are  _ absolutely  _ going to the beach!” Molly said, “I’ve never been as myself!” He sat next to Beau and stole a piece of zucchini off of her plate. Beau flicked his ear and stole one right back. Fjord watched the group bicker and eat, watched Caleb watch Molly carefully, watch Caduceus watching him. 

He stood after a few minutes and clapped Clay on the back, heading into the residence area of the shop. He passed his own door and knocked on Jester’s. There was a small crash and a squeak before Jester opened the door, looking a bit disheveled. 

“Fjord!” She said, “Hi! Hi, how are you?” 

“I’m…” Fjord glanced past her shoulder to the mess in her room. “Fine. How are you?” Jester smiled and giggled in a manic kind of way. 

“Good!” She said, “I’m really good. Totally not freaking out about my mom or my house or everything going wrong…” 

“Okay,” Fjord said, “okay, okay, slow down, Jessie,” He placed a hand on either shoulder and tried to get her to focus. “It’ll be fine. Your mom’s gonna be excited to see you, your house is gonna be fine, and everything will work out. I know Nicodranas isn’t exactly safe right now, but if we gotta leave, we can just go straight to the shop.” Jester nodded and bit her lip. Something behind her exploded into bright blue light. She groaned. 

“Why does this keep happening?” She cried, falling into his chest. 

“Okay, hey, listen,” Fjord said, wrapping her up in a hug. “Listen, it’s gonna be fine, Jess. You and Cad are gonna figure out your magic stuff, and you’re gonna go see your mom and it’s all gonna be fine.” He smiled. Jester nodded into his chest and stepped back, scrubbing at her face and smiling. 

“Thank you,” She said softly. 

“Come on, Cad’s got breakfast going.” 

___

Fjord was in the middle of trying to get Molly to tie up his kimono when Caleb chose a location and they went flying through space. Well, they weren’t technically flying through space exactly. Caleb had told him that it was more like  _ space  _ was flying through  _ them.  _

It made his head spin and his stomach drop, but he and Molly managed to balance themselves on each other. He blinked and concrete melted into sand. He could smell briny salt water and he felt something half fear, half comfort. He turned and Beau was on her ass in the sand, Nott was clinging to Caduceus’ leg who stood perfectly still and unwavering, and Jester was already running towards the water. 

Caleb stood and brushed his clothes off, smiling out towards the water. 

“I think I missed Nicodranas by a mile or so.” He shrugged and kicked off his shoes. 

The water was calling to Fjord. As everyone ran down to the ocean, he felt something pulling him in, something locked into his chest reeling him in towards the waves. He tugged off his shirt and waded into the water. 


	2. Uninviting Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swimming, seaweed, formal dress, and expensive wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeyyyyyy  
It’s been.... literal months. Oops! So an update, I’m doing okay! I adopted a cat, got on medication, and I’m finishing my semester this week and I’m feeling much better! Thank you guys for being so patient and sticking around. I’m going to be trying to update every week, and I hope to have this one finished before February. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Also! This chapter isn’t Beta’d because I’m posting this on an inspired whim, so any mistakes are my own! Thanks! Please leave a comment and let me know how you liked it!

Fjord was floating. His eyes were closed, and the sun was beating against his face and his chest. If he listened hard enough through the water, he could hear Jester and Nott in the distance. He didn’t know how far out he was, but that didn’t matter that much. The water was at his back and he felt at peace. He had avoided the ocean as long as he could, but now that he was in the middle of it, a stone's throw away from his home… he was calm. The water was crystal clear in the Menagerie Coast. Even the breakers were peaceful to a degree. There were no tsunamis in the Coast, no incidents of the ocean lashing out at the mainland. It was the calmest ocean he had ever seen and it was the one he had grown up swimming, fishing. It had taught him what the sea was. He wasn’t ready for his first storm at sea. He wasn’t ready for what the ocean really was. Chaotic and dangerous and beautiful in deep, dark, murky ways. Nothing like the crystal clear, green waters of Nicodranas. 

He felt it before he heard anything. He always felt it first, that shiver coming on. Cold, slimy fingers trailing up his spine. Never in the water, directly in his mind. The warm peace that had fallen over him was gone. He burst out of the water, the sun showing him what was up and what was down. He was shivering through the thick, humid heat and his eyes were open and stinging with salt water. He forgot to tread water for a moment as he gazed out over the horizon. 

Nothing was grabbing at him. Nothing had him. He was a few meters out from the group. He was fine. He was fine, nothing was coming for him. 

“Get yourself together,” He told himself using Vandrin’s voice. 

Caleb was floating a few feet away as he just was. From this distance, he couldn’t properly tell, but he thought that Caleb must be naked his back against the water . Now that he thought about it, Caleb hardly left the shop and Fjord hadn’t forced him to go, so there was a chance that Caleb had never seen the ocean before. He looked so peaceful. Fjord grinned as he dove under the lapping water. 

He moved seamlessly through the waves. He didn’t even have to look that hard. As he moved towards Caleb, he didn’t have to look to know where he was. It was like the water was moving for him. He was still for a moment, let the ripples of his movement play out in the water beneath Caleb’s prone form. A glance up and Fjord’s eyes were burning for two reasons. That pert ass was not for his eyes, but he just focused on his objective. One breath, two, and he came bursting out of the water. 

“Hey, Caleb!” He yelled, splashing as much water around as he could. Caleb gave out a short yell and lost the balance of his gentle float. His head ducked underwater, and, for a horrible moment, he stayed that way. And then he came bursting back up, coughing and sputtering. The panic that gripped him for a moment dissipated and Fjord laughed about as hard as he had in a few years. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Fjord wheezed, “gods, Caleb, it's too easy!” 

Caleb stuttered a bit more, and Fjord clapped him on his back a few times. Caleb looked up at him with some betrayal and mistrust before his cheeks went red and he slowly sunk into the water. Caleb was good at a lot of things, but he was an expert at turning about as red as a person could turn. 

As Caleb sunk, another figure slowly rose from the water. Caduceus was still in all of his clothes and soaked through and through. His long hair was tangled with seaweed and hanging in front of his face. A small, blue crabs skittered across his head. 

“I like this. Smells weird.” He grinned. Caduceus might have been a huge comfort, but he was also a fucking creepy person. Fjord stared at him for several seconds as he settled into the water. 

“You ever seen the ocean before, Cad?” He asked. 

“No,” Clay answered with a lazy smile. “But my Lady has dominion over it.” Fjord wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. 

“We live an hour away from the beach,” Caleb piped up, his chin barely above the waves. 

“I’d never left my graveyard until I met you,” Caduceus responded, not losing his smile. 

There were a few yells from the shore, and Fjord turned his attention back to the beach. Molly and Nott were running along the sand, kicking up seagulls. As Molly got them flying, Nott pointed something up and- down two of the birds came, spiraling into the sand. Nott screeched in victory and raised her crossbow into the air. 

Jester was sitting several feet away from that chaos, just where the waves were coming in. She leaned back on her hands, let the water rush over her legs. He couldn’t see her properly, and she wasn’t the kind of person who remained still for very long, but there she sat, peaceful as anything. 

It took him several seconds to find Beau. He half expected her to be fucking around with Nott and Molly, but she was nowhere to be seen. He looked further down the coast and spotted her… sitting quietly on some rocks. 

The beach did some freaky shit to people. 

It was calm and quiet for a long moment. 

“Nott! Molly!” Caleb yelled, breaking the silence. “Don’t kill the birds!” 

___

It took them several more seconds to wrangle everybody in, but once they did, the seven of them settled onto the beach. Molly had Caleb on one side and left a large spot next to him empty, for Yasha. She’d been gone for a month or so, and Molly always seemed a bit off when she stayed away for too long. Like a bit of him was missing. There was a tremble in his hands. That was another thing, the shaking, the cold. Ever since Las Vegas, he couldn’t get warm, no matter his efforts. 

Nott was picking at her clothes, trying to get the sand out of it. 

“Jester,” She said, “you haven’t been home since…” 

“I haven’t been home in a few years. Since I left.” Jester said softly. She had a smile on her face, but there wasn’t much behind that smile. She was quiet for several minutes. Soft, blue magic floated around her in dusty drips. Bright, sparkling. “I sort of… okay, okay, it’s  _ really _ hard to explain.” She worried over a strand of her hair. “So… okay, okay, my mom, my mama, she entertains… people. And there was this one guy who… he was really mean but also this important government guy, and I took a picture of his dick and put it on Instagram and he got really mad and put a hit out on me.” She said it all in one breath and studied everybody’s reactions. Beau took her hand and Caduceus carefully rested his hand on her shoulder. 

“Jester,” He said softly, “Take a deep breath.” She did as she was told, and the magic around her began to dust down and away. It fell around her and dusted into her hair, like stars in the black of it. 

“Is it safe?” Fjord asked, unable to take his eyes off of the slowly dissipating freckles of blue across her face and shoulders. Jester shrugged. 

“My mom doesn’t want me to come back but… I just need to see her. Really bad.” She sighed and scrubbed at her face, and she looked about as defeated as Fjord had ever seen her. 

“You could disguise yourself.” Caleb said. Fjord smiled. Caleb didn’t really do the emotional comfort thing. When someone he cared about had a problem, he solved it. Jester shook her head. 

“I don’t think I have any fake mustaches anymore.” She sniffled and shrugged. 

“No, no,” Caleb started to explain, but Fjord thought it would be better to just show her. 

He focused, for a moment, on the pressure in his chest, the electricity running under his skin. He felt his body ripple and change. When he opened his eyes he was the picture image of Jester, staring back at her. 

“Holy shit!” Jester squeaked, jumping a bit. 

“Holy shit!” He mimicked back in a slightly deeper, but perfectly poised accent. A smile broke out on her face as she began to laugh. 

“Fjord!” She squealed. “You’re so much better at my accent than yours!” Fjord dropped the spell and blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Wha-what?” He stuttered out, nervous suddenly. Jester smiled. 

“Well,  _ you  _ can do that, Fjord, you’re  _ magic,”  _ She said with a shrug. 

“Jess…” Molly started. 

“You… so are you?” Beau finished for you. “Yeah, you’re magic too. Like, I’m the only non magic one. Holy shit, I’m the token.” Molly reached to pat her on the head as Jester looked to Caduceus anxiously. 

“It’s just energy, babe,” Molly said, squeezing Caleb’s hand. “You tell it what to do.” Jester looked at Molly for several moments before nodding. That same, soft blue light formed around her eyes and her hands. It was like water, the way that it twisted up and surrounded her, bent to lay against her skin. The magic faded.

She looked exactly the same, but her skin was cotton candy blue. 

Beau laughed first. 

“What?” Jester asked, suddenly distressed. Caduceus took her hand in his and pulled it into her eyeline. She deflated, examining her now blue features. “I  _ suck  _ at this!” She said. 

“Do not be so easily defeated.” Caleb said. “Keep trying.” 

It took her twelve tries. Maybe thirteen. He wasn’t sure. But by the end, Jester looked… different. 

Still pretty, definitely pretty. She was just a bit taller and her dress was a different color. Her hair was long and braided, a deep black color. Freckles covered her dark skin. Her eyes were just a bit wrong. Less round, a bit lighter in color. She was pretty. But she wasn’t Jester. Something about it rubbed him the wrong way. He wondered if this was how other people felt when he did the same thing. 

“Perfect, Jess,” Molly cooed. 

“You did very well,” Caleb smiled. “Such control for someone so new to their magic. Very impressive, Jester.” 

“Now that I can do this, I can come home whenever I want,” Jester smiled. She looked down at her hands, still dusted in a bit of blue. She looked at it like, for the first time, she was considering this something more than a weight in her chest. Like for the first time, she saw the gift in it. 

They all made their way back into the shop to freshen up. Nicodranas was an hour drive away. They could make it by sundown. Fjord stood under the stream of his shower and scrubbed sand and salt from his body. He couldn’t hear the crashing waves of the ocean anymore, but he swayed on his knees like he was aboard a boat. He let the water cascade over his face, blind him for a moment. Phantom limbs were always grabbing at his ankles, at his wrists. He ignored them. 

Jester had said that the Chateau was a black tie affair, but the nicest he had was a white button up and his most starched pair of jeans, so he went with that. He was sure that Molly at the very least would protest, but he decided that he would ignore it. 

Beau and Nott seemed to be of the same mind as him. Beau was in the same thing she always wore, athletic gear and nothing else. Fjord wasn’t sure if Nott had ever changed her clothes in the several years that he had known her. Sitting in the kitchen with Caduceus, they looked much the same as always. 

“Dude, you look like a youth pastor,” Beau laughed. Fjord shot her a bird and sat down. 

“Cad, you cleaned up.” He nodded in approval. Caduceus was almost always in something silk and flowing, but this was a different level. A soft pink dress that fell down around his feet, pooling onto the ground. It was draped over him gently, like it wasn’t real. Like it was made of mist. His feet were bare and his hair was braided back. He looked about as ethereal and mystic as something solid and real could.

“Thanks,” He smiled, “I think this is my sister’s.” 

Caleb came out next, dressed fairly well in the least patched clothing he owned. Fjord had a sneaking suspicion that Molly had dressed him. 

“They’re going to take forever,” He said, sitting down with a huff. “I think Jester is doing Molly’s make up? She had a pencil in his eye, I don’t know.” 

“Fjord looks like a fucking Mormon.” Beau pointed out. 

“What’s wrong with Mormons?” He retorted. 

“Nothing. But if we put a tie and a little name tag on you, you’d be a spitting image.” 

“Fuck off.” 

It took Molly and Jester twenty more minutes to come out of the back, Jester still wearing the face that wasn’t hers. Besides being just a bit… off, she looked beautiful, dressed in something purple and big and bright. Molly was about the same, his hair twisted up, his face covered in pink. 

“We look amazing,” Molly grinned. 

“It’s so hard to do make up on a new face!” Jester happily hooked her arm in Caduceus’. 

They piled into the car, Jester next to Fjord in the passenger seat to navigate. 

“You’re going to  _ love  _ Nicodranas, Fjord, it’s  _ so _ pretty.” 

“I know,” Fjord said. “I’ve been there plenty of times, but I always came in by port, not road.” Jester’s face lit right up. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She squealed, shaking his arm. “Oh my God!”

“Just never came up,” Fjord laughed, trying to keep the car steady. “I used to work with a ship that made trips from Canada to Nicodranas back to Port Damali. It’s where I’m from.” He tried to keep the details a bit fuzzy. No use giving away everything. 

Jester kept chattering and he focused on the road, letting her voice remain the same and shape the way she was in his periphery. He didn’t know why Jester changing shape in particular was so unnerving. Maybe it was simply that she was so solid, so herself. Fjord had never met someone like Jester, who’s reaction he could predict, who was equal parts shy, sweet, and trouble. 

Fjord might love her, just a bit. He might be a little weak for trouble. 

They found a parking garage just inside the city. Jester promised that it wouldn’t be much of a walk. Once his feet were back on the cobblestone streets of Nicodranas, he could guide them better than Jester could. He’d heard of the Lavish Chateau before. Plenty of sailors preferred it’s brand of entertainment, but none of them had managed to get a foot in the door. It was an upscale place, where the rich perverts went to get their kicks whilst the poor perverts had to find someplace else. There had been plenty of men who complained every time they left Nicodranas, moaning about how he hadn’t managed to sneak in to see the Ruby of the Sea. He’d never had much interest in those kinds of things. He had tried to spend as little time on shore as he could when they were docked, a sentiment that was now reversed. The sea had been his home but now it was dangerous. He didn’t know if that danger would bring him power or ruin. He didn’t even know if he cared. 

Jester was straightening her dress and her too long hair obsessively. Fjord looked from her to Beau, who was standing stiffly with next to him. He elbowed her and she shook her head. 

He’d been watching Beau try to decide who to fall in love with for a while. While some large, protective part of him wanted to tell her to stay the fuck away from Jester, he couldn’t really blame her for her infatuation. 

The Lavish Chateau was bigger and brighter and more beautiful than any building he’d stepped inside. The walls of the exterior were painted a soft, sandy pink that looked red and vicious in the setting sun. There around the archways that opened into the building, opal and pearl had been set into concrete to make the building glitter and shine. He stepped inside, aware that his dress wasn’t anything near acceptable, so he stayed behind Caduceus and tried to be as scarce as possible. 

The lounge was perhaps even nicer than the outside. Rich, red carpets stretched from the entrance to the stage, making everyone standing on it a VIP. The room was littered with tables and chairs, all built from deep wood with gold lining. Across the room, there sat a grand piano, the feature of the orchestra pit that was built much less like a pit and more like a showroom floor. 

Fjord’s breathe was knocked out of him for a moment. He stood in the entryway, staring up at the stage, feeling all of a sudden very far out of his depth. 

Jester was bouncing on the balls of her feet while looking around. 

“Oh my gosh,” She said softly. “This is… Fjord!” She jumped up to him and gripped on to his arm. “This is my  _ home! _ ” Fjord grinned and looked around again. He had sort of imagined Jester living in a candy cottage in a mystical wood, but this was something magical all together. 

Jester hustled them towards a table and crowded around, practically buzzing with energy. Caduceus sat next to Fjord, looking around like this amount of opulence made him nervous. Well, as much as Cad could get nervous. Caleb looked up as the waiter approached them.

“We’ll have a bottle of your finest wine.” Caleb smiled. 

“Sir…” He looked Caleb up and down. “It’s three hundred dollars.”

“A  _ bottle?”  _ Caleb all but squeaked. 

“A  _ glass.”  _

Caleb looked up at him for a moment longer before clearing his throat and blushing. 

“We’ll have a bottle of your  _ cheapest  _ wine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always you can find me on Tumblr at gayshitiguess.


	3. The Ruby and the Sapphire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Burlesque show, expensive home decor, divinity, and breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyy yooooooo I’m back! And I’ve got another chapter for y'all!! We’ll be getting into the meat of the story next chapter, but FUCK i’ve Been so excited to bring Marion in!! I hope you guys enjoy!!! Leave a comment and tell me what you think!

The lights went down one by one, dimming the already dim room so slowly and naturally that Fjord felt as though he was falling asleep. The spot lights, though, came on in a clean snap, both of them at once, pointed at a woman now standing on the stage. One thing that Fjord always hated about live performance was the awkward moments in between. While plenty of people could put on a perfect show, he was of the mind that it took very special people to make the scene changes, the set movement, all of that seamless. 

One moment, the woman wasn’t there, and then the very next she was being lit up by twin spots. She was wearing a red gown so beautifully adorned with sparkles that the whole thing seemed like blood dripping off of her. Her skin was the same rich, dark shade as Jester’s, her hair twisting in the same effortless curls, her eyes just as sharp. 

His breath was knocked right out of him. Jester squealed softly next to him. He heard whistles and shouts as the piano picked up. 

“I love you, Ruby!” One of the men yelled out. She smiled and winked in his direction. 

He couldn’t see a mic on her, so he could only guess that she had the lungs of a whale. She breathed in, her lips just barely parting, and began to sing. 

“ _ Every little bit hurts,”  _ she sang just like Brenda Holliday. 

Every little bit.

The performance was perfect. She hit every note, moved so naturally around the stage as though she were a part of it. She was beautiful and Fjord couldn’t take his eyes off her. It was that, he thought, that magical quality that she shared with Jester over everything else. When Jester wanted attention, it was hard to not give it to her. Fjord now knew that she got that from her mother. 

It was over much too soon, five songs, a bit of flirting with the guests. But Fjord knew that singing wasn’t the main draw of the Lavish Chateau. People paid thousands of dollars for a night with Marion Lavore. And after seeing her, he couldn’t blame them. 

The Ruby of the Sea, they called her, the shining red jewel that sparkled in the Coast’s crown. There were some, of course, that turned their noses up to her, but Fjord knew that her line of work was the oldest in the world, and he thought that that deserved respect.

The lights went down, and he thought that Jester might come out of her seat. They’d been sipping on wine that was apparently cheap, but still cost Caleb a pretty penny. It didn’t taste any different that the shit he stole from the dollar store. 

Jester clapped manically and drank down the rest of the wine in her glass. 

“Okay, okay, okay,” She muttered. “Do I look okay? Do I look pretty?” 

“You always look pretty,” Beau said. Fjord shot her a look and she ducked her head down as though she hadn’t given that permission to come out of her mouth. 

“You look great,” Caduceus said. “She’s not going to care about that, though.” Fjord felt minorly behind the curve, not quite sure where Cad had pulled that from. Jester smiled at him gratefully before standing and waving the group to follow her. 

The Chateau was bigger than he thought it was. It got bigger and brighter the further they went into it, like Caleb’s shop, but much nicer. Jester’s hand snaked into Beau’s and pulled her along in the long hallway in a fit of giggles. They came upon a set of stairs that Jester took two at a time, and they had to jog a bit to catch up to her. At the top of the stairs was a large man dressed in the tightest black t-shirt Fjord had ever seen. There was an air of inherent aggression about him that read ‘security.’ 

Jester bounced up to the man like he wasn’t five times her size. He looked down at her and began to point back down the stairs, clearly kicking them out, but Jester reached out and wrapped her hands around his massive arm. She lifted her feet off the ground and swung from his arm momentarily, and the man’s growl of ‘get out’ was quieted with a huff. He turned to the door behind him and knocked twice. 

There was a moment before a bumbling woman came out, holding an armful of something frilly and pink. She looked out to Jester and stared at her for a moment. Jester jumped and seemed to realize that she still didn’t look the way she usually did. Blue glitter dusted around her as she shifted back into herself. It was as though the world had been tilted just a bit to the left, and it had just righted itself again. 

The woman’s face brightened immediately, not at all surprised by the use of magic, and wrapped Jester in a tight hug. She turned and shouted in the room for Marion. 

The Ruby of the Sea was as regal in a dressing gown as she was in a thousand dollar dress. Her hair was twisted up in curlers and her makeup was half off, but he could have sworn that she was performance ready. She looked confused for one moment before a straight, white smile split her face in half. 

“My Sapphire!” She said, throwing her arms out and pulling Jester into the most desperate hug that Fjord had ever seen. Jester was a tonic to the Ruby’s soul, a bit of water in the desert. 

“Mama!” Jester yelled. The hug lasted several long, quiet seconds before Marion seemed to realize that there were others. “Oh!” Jester said, pulling away. “Mama, these are my friends! They helped me get here.” Marion regarded them suspiciously for a moment, but the look melted as she saw how Jester smiled at all of them. 

“Please, come inside,” She said, taking Jester’s hand in hers and leading them inside. 

The Ruby’s rooms had tall ceilings, soft blue, flowered wall paper, and so many expensive things that Fjord was trying to catalogue how many months it would take him to buy it all. Marion wouldn’t let go of Jester, just held on to her like she would drift away. 

“Mama,” Jester said, looking like she might cry. The rest of them shuffled in awkwardly, completely out of their element. Fjord saw Beau tuck her hands under her biceps, trying to make them look bigger. “Um… oh my gosh I have so much to tell you.” Marion laughed and cupped Jester’s face in her hands.

“Introduce me to your friends first.” Marion laughed. Jester snorted and shook her hands, grabbing Molly’s arm. 

“This is Mollymauk,” She said. “He’s super pretty and nice and you should totally let him look through your jewelry.” Molly perked up at the mention of jewelry and actually bowed, pressing a kiss to Marion’s hand in the process. 

“It’s a pleasure.” He purred. Fjord wanted to remind him that his boyfriend was standing right next to him, but thought that it might not be the time. Jester shoved him and moved on. She introduced each member of their group in turn, giving her mother a spiel about how super cool and special and magical all of them were. When she got to Nott, it was clear that she wasn’t going to make much of a presence, since she was all but hiding behind Caleb’s legs. Marion cast her dark eyes down and smiled. 

“You have such lovely eyes,” it was the only moment that she interrupted, and the way that Nott inched out ever so slightly made Fjord like her even more. 

“And this… is Fjord!” Jester finally finished. Fjord nodded and extended his hand, shaking Marion’s softly. 

“Very nice to meet you. Your daughter has been… I was going to say ‘keeping us out of trouble,’ but it’s actually the opposite.” He said. Marion laughed and smiled at Jester like she was the most precious thing in the world. 

“She is the best kind of trouble.” She said softly. 

The next few hours were mostly taken up by Jester dramatically recounting their ghostly adventures with Molly as her scene partner. It came along with actual recreations of Molly’s many deaths, forcing Beau to be ghosts, and Caleb muttering softly at the inaccuracies. Every time that Jester mentioned near death experiences, Fjord watched Marion’s face drop more and more. Jester was so elated, as full of energy and joy as he had seen her in several weeks. Blue lights were dancing around her in the air. 

“This…” Marion motioned to the magic. “This is new.” Jester blushed and quieted down. 

“Yeah… I don’t really know what’s going on.” She shrugged. “But! Caduceus is helping me!” Caddy smiled and nodded. 

“She’s got something divine, I think. It’s either the safest or most dangerous type of magic.” He grinned. “It depends on the divinity.” 

Marion looked, all of a sudden, like she might faint. 

“Well,” Jester said. “I guess… you’ll be working the rest of the night so… we could go find a hotel.” Marion looked up again, regaining her composure in an instant. 

“Nonsense.” She smiled. “I’ll clear my evening. And you all are staying here as long as you like.” 

Jester’s smile was bright enough to fill the room. 

___

Fjord wasn’t exactly sure what to do when surrounded by all of these nice things. He was nervous that he would knock something over just to realize that it was worth several thousand dollars and would have to work off his debt like he was in a fucking anime show. They were two to a room, and he was sitting very still on his bed while Caduceus bumbled around and opened all of the curtains. He was smiling down at the docks like the very sight of the ocean satisfied him. 

“I’ll make you some tea,” Caduceus said after a while of silence. “You’re nervous. No use for that.” He bunched up his dress in his hands and started walking out of the room. Fjord followed, a bit anxious to be wandering out of the room they’d been delegated to even though they’d been given free reign of the place. Caduceus led him towards the kitchen of Marion’s group of rooms like he belonged there. Maybe it was because Caduceus seemed to belong everywhere he went, like it wasn’t a place but the earth itself that he called home. Which sounded fucking lame when he said it in his head. 

Caduceus went through the rituals of his tea making as Fjord sat at the small dining table. He hummed softly, bumbling around the room in a dress that had turned grey at the bottom from where it had dragged on the floor. Fjord watched him closely, tracking his graceful and slow movements. 

A door clicked open and Fjord turned to see Marion walking out of Jester and Beau’s chosen rooms. She smiled sweetly as she entered the kitchen as sat across from Fjord. 

“That Beau is in love with my daughter.” She said slyly. Caduceus came to the table with three cups, like he’d expected her all along. “Not that I blame her. She is  _ my  _ daughter, after all.” Fjord smiled nervously. 

“I think everybody is a little in love with Jester.” He said. “There’s just something about her.” Marion regarded him with a calculated and warm stare. She patted Caduceus’ cheek as he sat next to her. 

“Well, I should hope so,” she blew softly on her tea. “She was always meant to be adored.” 

Fjord wasn’t sure what to say to that. 

“You’re nervous,” Caduceus said, and Fjord was ready to kick him in the shin before he realized that he was talking to Marion. “About Jester. It makes sense. We don’t lead the safest life.” Marion nodded slowly. 

“We didn’t leave the Chateau much at all.” She said. “It is safer here, where I have security. I would rather have her here.” 

“Well, we protect each other,” Fjord nodded. “We keep each other safe.” 

“So safe that that nice young man has died three times over.” She said. Her gaze was very suddenly cutting. “But, if you all believe that you’re so safe, then I shall hold you responsible.” Those dark eyes were boring into him. “If anything happens to her, then it is your head that I will have.” 

Fjord didn’t sleep very well that night. 

___

Jester roused them all very early in the morning to have breakfast. Beside the kitchen there was a dining room that had a much larger table and was set for eight. Fjord wandered in with Caduceus and sat down stiffly. There were three forks and knives lined up beside his plate, a glass full of water and another empty. He wasn’t sure why anybody would need to use so many forks for one meal. 

Beauregard sat down next to him with a huff and looked over to his hands, hovering just over the collection of silverware (and he was sure that it was actual  _ silver _ ware). 

“You work from the outside in,” She said. She pointed to the forks one by one. “Salad, entre, desert. We probably won’t have that kind of set up, it’s breakfast, but every course, just pick up the next fork. Leave the old one on the plate, somebody will take it.” Fjord looked at her for a long, confused moment. “What? I know shit. Leave me alone. Fuck off.”

Breakfast was big and filling and Fjord spent the entire time sitting quietly and watching Marion and Jester speak quickly and excitedly. He wasn’t sure if Marion made Jester calmer or if Jester made Marion more manic. It was an interesting concoction of personality, like neither of them was quite complete without the other there to fill in themselves. 

“How has business been, Mama?” Jester asked. “ _ Guys, _ my Mama is very sexy and people pay like… a thousand dollars to see her.” Fjord blushed and ducked his head. 

“Jester…” Marion chastised half heartedly. She smiled. “It has been lively. There is… well, it’s not exactly important. I told you about the young man who was getting… possessive.” Marion chose her words carefully, as though there were ten others that she could have chosen that would have been more alarming. 

“Yeah, I was gonna say that we could go beat him up for you.” Jester offered cheerily. 

“No, no,” Marion waved her off. “He is… inconsequential.” Even with her nonchalant tone, Fjord could see the fear there, hidden just beneath the collected surface. Caduceus hummed and shot a look to Fjord. 

“Are you sure?” Beau said. “We could handle him, it's safer not to entertain that kind of shit.” Marion looked at them all for a long moment. 

“I suppose I can’t stop you.” She said, and the way that her shoulders relaxed told him that this was the resolution that she had hoped for. 

“We’ll handle it.” Fjord said. “Give us a name.” The eyes of Marion Lavore were sharp and cold again when they fell on him, and he wondered if there was something yellow and glowing behind them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you can find me on tumblr at gayshitiguess.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on tumblr at gayshitiguess!


End file.
